Showing posts with label Off Topic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Off Topic. Show all posts

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
not a client was stirring, not even to grouse.

The CDs were burned and shipped with consideration,
in hopes that the photos would earn remuneration.

The staff they were nestled all snug in their homes,
with visions of days off, reading their tomes.
and I wearing both the kerchief and chaps,
had just settled down to write about business mishaps.

When out in the studio there arose such a clatter,
I sprung from my desk to see what was the matter.
Up the stairs that I took, two at a time,
I arrived in the studio with a curious find.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a colleague with keys and access so clear.
A studio strewn with clothes near and far,
and this colleague, why, they were shooting boudoir!

Boudoir in my studio, it just can't be,
I thought in my head as I looked on intently.
This studio is for food, and head-shots and such,
but I guess with that figure I don't mind very much.

The subject was beautiful, in their own very way,
and the scene quite professional, I certainly must say.
Nothing tawdry or lewd, just art being made,
the capturing of beauty before age makes it fade.

I thought of the scenes of products that sell,
that had been previously shot there, and shot quite well.
Yet nothing compares to the body, the form,
and the expression of a face, looking forlorn.

The focus was true, the light was just right,
the drive of my colleague was set to for a full night.
I knew that the work was not to diminish,
so I left my studio so the colleague could finish.

I considered my art, my creative fruitions,
yet my skills were lacking, I didn't know those positions.
I knew that some art was best left to others,
even if I had my own chaps, and my own druthers.

Late in the night, almost the morning,
I knew they were working on nothing boring.
As the sun rose, on the next day,
I decided there was little else I could say.

Yet an urge called for me, to say something,
as they packed up their props and their holiday bunting.
and all that there was that I think there to say,
I said to the colleague - "have a great day!"

You see, it's the truth, photography is art,
your present this Christmas day should be to give it a start.
Whether food or people, weddings or news,
Not following your passion could give you the blues.

So make tomorrow your day to begin,
not following your passion I think is a sin.
Yet focus on its' business all throughout,
and your spouse will have no reason to pout.

For you see it remains a reality you shouldn't flounce,
that your bills must be paid, or your checks they will bounce.
The business of art, it can be quite fickle,
but be careful or you'll get caught in a pickle.

(Continued after the Jump)


- With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore (the original author of Twas the Night Before Christmas), and to you, dear reader, for the light number of postings this month. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

- John


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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thankful? Yes, and No

Yes, we have a lot to be thankful for this year. Below are several of the positive things personally and professionally that are worth noting and being thankful for. After that, are the things - like when a car splashes a huge puddle of water on you as you wait to cross the street, and exclaim "yeah, hey, THANKS for that..." followed by some form of an expletive.

The Brighter Side:

  • THANKS for GIVING me and my family health this past year
  • THANKS for GIVING me a profitable year this past year
  • THANKS for GIVING me great new friends and the time to maintain old friendships
  • THANKS for GIVING me so many great clients and amazing experiences while making photos
  • THANKS for GIVING me the time and mental space to produce a second edition to the book that was an instant bestseller on Amazon
  • THANKS for GIVING us one less Getty Images department to produce wholey owned content
  • THANKS for GIVING us one more year without the headache of Orphan Works legislation
  • THANKS for GIVING us one more Flickr photo mis-use to further demonstrate to clients the risks of Flickr photos, eventually ALL respectable and responsible ad agencies and design firms will self-ban Flickr photos (one can dream, right?)
The Darker Side:
(Continued after the Jump)

  • THANKS for GIVING us a Copyright Office that has an all-but-non-working electronic Copyright Office online submission process because no group registration filings are allowed, and then hiding the Form VA so almost no one can find it on the Copyright Office website.
  • THANKS for GIVING us an economy that blows
  • THANKS for GIVING us more and more clients who don't value good photography
  • THANKS for GIVING us more microstock crap to further devalue stock photography
  • THANKS For GIVING us more people who call themselves "professional photographers" but who are anything but.
  • THANKS For GIVING us photographers who think that a few dollars is plenty for a magazine cover or a book cover.
  • THANKS For GIVING us clients who think that working for free is reasonable.
  • THANKS for GIVING us clients who want to do their own post/retouching, and then cry in their soup when it blows up in their face.
Feel free to add your own brighter or darker side THANKS in the comments.

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Friday, October 30, 2009

Grace and the Giant Pumpkin

After a week of a lot of production and assignments, yesterday, we had a break before we're back on the road. A quick Sunday outing with the family to the pumpkin patch with my 5 year-old and 9 year-old, and an 8 month-old strapped to my chest got me to thinking that my youngest would actually fit into some of the pumpkins in the patch.



So, after a selection that would be "photo appropriate", and a bit of a struggle getting a huge pumpkin into the small red wagon, we headed home and the giant pumpkin was taken to the studio.



At right is one of the final images, and after the jump is a stop-action 4 minute video showing the entire project, from start to finish, in about 1,000 individual still images. We began the carving with one of our cut-out tools after a quick sharpie sketch. Removing the meat in the pumpkin and we were ready to shoot, with a clean white background. Grace, our 8-month old came on set for all of about 3 minutes, with my assistant Suzanne Behsudi handling the background and my wife securing Grace, I made a series of frames that I was pretty pleased with. Every once in awhile, it's nice to take a break and just have a little fun.

(Continued after the Jump)


For you RSS readers: Grace and the Giant Pumpkin




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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Simpsons Did It

Well, the Simpsons are always chock-full of humor, and here's a few seconds of humor at the expense of the paparazzi (but atleast they're compensated!):



(Comments, if any, after the Jump)



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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Celebrities As Photographers

This evening, I was perusing my latest copy of American Photo, and there is a photograph of Keifer Sutherland in the oval office set on his series "24", alongside the other photographers, and the article (read it here) revealed that he is an avid photographer, and so on.

That got me to thinking, and thus, here is a partial list of people who I researched and determined were avid photographers based upon answers they have given to questions in interviews, or other biographical information, but who am I missing?

Dennis HopperShari BelafonteBrad Pitt
Leonard NimoyDavid BowieKeifer Sutherland
Richard GereSpike JonzeRoddy McDowell
Vigo MortensonPierce BrosnanRosie O'Donnel
Brendan FraserJennifer AnistonNikki Sixx
Tipper GoreAlyssa MilanoAaron Eckhart
SealJennifer BealsHelena Christensen
Lacey ChabertParvin DabasBryan Adams
Joel GreyAston KutcherJason Mraz
Gary BuseyKarl LagerfeldCindy Crawford
Martha StewartDrew CareyDiane Keaton
David BoreanazTabitha SorenAndy Sommers
Barry ZitoJamie Lee Curtis 
So, who am I missing?
(Your insights, after the Jump)



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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Extreme Skin-Flint

Sometimes you can't make this stuff up. Our "Skin-flint" for today is one spa in the Palm Springs area.

You must:
1) Shoot stills and some short video
2) Competing against another photographer, who is female for "a range of insight", on the same day, using the same models
3) Have "great eyes"
4) Willing to work in exchange for trade only
5) If male, cannot use the trade alone
6) Must shoot quickly

Oh, and "...the photographer is able to work nude or top free and sarong as this is A nude shoot and the staff of -X- is also all female,top free or nude etc and there are Never any single men on the property."

Again - You MUST work nude, or (and I am presuming this applies only to women) top free and a sarong.

The ad, and link, after the jump.

(Continued after the Jump)


Until such time as the fountain of humor (which would actually be funny if some of the postings they had weren't serious) that is Craigslist ceases to publish these things, we will continue to have a chuckle at the ends to which some clients will go (and, yes, likely, some photographers too) to get work for free and cheap.

Here's the listing (until someone flags it):

FEMALE PHOTOGRAPHER FOR spa resort shoot (palm springs)

Reply to: job--x-x-x-x--@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-02-10, 12:01PM PST


The -X- awarded resort is seeking a female photographer for our annual spa resort shoot -This is going to be a Nude shoot !
This spa has many accolades and awards and is a nude spa hotel and club too-

There are never any single men on the property at sea mountain spa
The x-x-x-x-x-- inn is located in DHS minutes from Palm Springs California

If you know couples or models who want to be part of this let us know-! Their compensation is also $1200 in trade and use of photos.Let them know too

We seek updated images for our web site www.-x-x-x-x--.com and some short video for flash movie for smi resort www.-x-x-x-x--.com

You as the photographer, may also KEEP and Exploit the images that you take in any way you deem fit for the future-the photos should be not too posed although you as an artist may chose to pick some and make for creative cool art shots.
We are showing the resort as a Nude spa resort and club and also need shots of implied nudity too.We have a pool and spa and gardens and a 24 hour dance club and 4 star hotel rooms too that need to be shot.

There will be other female photographer on the property on that day as we seek a range of insight -The images you take are yours too for your sales or portfolio. The models are also keeping photos too

The spa hotel is also offering to YOU $1200 of spa trade which is two midweek VIP nights food and drinks too for two persons and two day spas eve spas any time in exchange for the shooting of these images for us and delivery of photos. We will have open model releases of all models.The trade is worth more then $1200

We should have at least 10 to 15 couples and mostly females available for the shoot that day -We do need to shoot quickly as there cannot be other hotel guests on the property and are shooting for the 8 am Monday March 2-SO the shoot might be 2 hour MAX- march 2 monday at 8 am shoot


There may be room at the hotel the night prior if you are coming from a distance and should know more about this soon too.

We are seeking Great eyes- We also ,since we are a nude resort need to know the photographer is able to work nude or top free and sarong as this is A nude shoot and the staff of SMI is also all female,top free or nude etc and there are Never any single men on the property. -X- is for couples and women only no single men -

It's the vibe thing as we want to photographer to blend with all of this . Thus the photographer must be comfortable with this -

This is in NO way a sex shoot! look at our site for samples and accolades asap!

www.-x-x-x-x--.com
send link to your work your resume photo etc.

Thank You

-x-x-x-x-- spas

This is here in large part for your humorous consumption. Yet, the sad reality is that SOMEONE will likely do this.

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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Talent On Loan From God

I listen to a great deal of radio, from NPR, to Bob Edwards, to Air America, to Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern. I spend a lot of time driving around, and those are among the many things I listen to.

One of the things I chuckle about is when people get all up in arms when Rush Limbaugh says "talent on loan from God", which is one of his catch-phrases. "What do you mean - your talent is from God? How pompous!" Or some variation of that sentiment.

(Continued after the Jump)

Yet, when actresses, sports figures, or the like stand before a microphone, often times you hear "I'd like to thank God...", recognizing that their skills are a gift from God. When Limbaugh says it (usually with tounge-in-cheek bravado) he is actually acknowledging that whatever talent he has is God-given, and it's on-loan, so that whenever he dies, it returns to God.

I am often asked by liberals why I listen to Limbaugh. From conservatives - why I listen to Air America, and so forth. It's to see things from as many perspectives as possible.

I believe that all our talent is not only God-given, but also scheduled for a return at the right time. Some of us use our talent, hone and refine it, and others waste it away. Some make a difference with it, others use it for all the wrong reasons. All of it is on-loan therefore, and it is up to us to build upon it.

What are you doing with yours in 2009?

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Seasons Greetings from Photo Business News

Seasons Greetings from Photo Business News. May your new year be prosperous and full of joy.

(Comments, if any, after the Jump)


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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Go Vote

If you don't go out and vote today, you (in my humble opinion) lose the right to complain for the next four years.

(Continued after the Jump)

Exemptions are available for those of you to young to vote today, just fill out the proper forms, in triplicate, submit them with a self-addressed stamped envelope, certified, return-receipt requested.

Above is an image I produced on location in Texas for a client where the objective was to get their employees out to vote.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

You Suck at PhotoShock - Iranian Edition?

No doubt, Donnie would have done a better job than the Iranians, who tried to hide their test failure (hey, tests fail all the time - that's why they call them tests!). PDN reported on the false photo (Breaking News: AFP Retracts Iranian Missile Photo, 7/10/08), and I immediately thought of the good folks at You Suck at Photoshop (here for all their hillarious tutorials!) and we wrote about them ("You Suck at Photoshop" - So Damn Funny, 2/16/08). Maybe Donnie will return and do this right, but for now, we can only hope, so we have this visual to tide us over until then.

(Comments, if any, after the Jump)


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Monday, April 14, 2008

The Baby Photographer

Here's a bit of a laugh for today....

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?

(Hit the link after the Jump)


MIStupid.com - Stupid Joke: The Baby Photographer

Sometimes, a good laugh - even when it gets a little silly, is worthwhile!

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Monday, March 17, 2008

NSC - A brief note about the Photo Booth

While I will have more later on the highly successful NPPA Northern Short Course (NSC), if you had your photo taken in the photo booth, shoot me an e-mail and I will get you an invite to view and download the images that were made.

To prove you were there, you'll have to tell me what floor the booth was on. Please no hints in the comments!

(Continued after the Jump)


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Saturday, February 16, 2008

"You Suck at Photoshop" - So Damn Funny

If you've ever watched someone really boring give a presentation, Donnie Hoye will teach you Photoshop techniques WHILE you're laughing hysterically. Over a million people have watched his videos, so what you learn will be ingrained into your brain because it will be memorable!

Below are links to three of them, he's done atleast a half-dozen. All really do teach you something worth knowing, but just try watching them and not laughing uproariously! (Nominally NSFW)

(Comments, after the Jump)


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Saturday, December 8, 2007

Barbie The Photographer

I was strolling through Target the other day, and I stumbled upon "Barbie i can be...a baby photographer" play set, both in caucasian and African-American versions.

I thought it funny, at first, then I thought that I hoped that Anne Geddes was getting a piece of this, then I realized that Mattel probably wasn't being that magnanimous.

If you're looking for a gag-gift for that female photographer friend of yours, or if you're looking to inspire your daughter to become a photographer, (mine are playing with these, as I type, since the shoot is over), this is a great idea! Who'da thunk it?

(Comments, if any, after the Jump)


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Thursday, November 22, 2007

Food Photographer

Here's your ten minute break from the family and turkey-day guests. If they're hollering at you at your computer, just tell them you're getting some tips on how to make images of your soon-to-hit-the-table plate of food for your new portfolio, or picking up tips about taking better photos of them!


A few more hilarious videos after the jump!

(Complete post, after the Jump)

Sheffield Quigley: Professional Myspace Photographer


Bruce Testones, Fashion Photographer (NSFW)


Rob Schneider, Supermodel Photographer and Walter Iooss Jr


Andrew Norton: Fashion Photographer | The Edge 102.1




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Monday, November 5, 2007

What the Duck - Spot On

Aaron's got it spot on yesterday!

(Comments if any, after the Jump)
POST JUMP TEXT.


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